Together Forever: The Silent Marathon Women Run in Marriage

Ronke Kehinde/

I was at a salon one afternoon with my daughter to have her hair made. Present were three other women: the salon owner (who also doubled as the hairdresser), her assistant, and another woman who had brought her two daughters along. As women naturally do when gathered in one place, a conversation soon sparked, this time about stress, marriage, and the invisible weight women carry daily.

At some point, one of the women sighed deeply and declared, “If I come back to this world again, I want to come as a man.”

For the sake of this column, let’s call her Chioma.

Chioma didn’t say this dramatically. She said it with the tired certainty of someone who had thought it through very well.

“As a woman,” she explained, “the stress is too much.”

Before breakfast is even served, her mind is already calculating lunch and supper, three meals, one brain, zero rest. While cooking, she’s checking homework, sorting clothes (hers, the children’s, and yes, her husband’s), ensuring the house looks presentable, and still mentally preparing herself for work.

And there she was at the salon, fulfilling yet another responsibility—her daughters’ hair because motherhood has no pause button.

Then she lowered her voice slightly and added, “I also have to prepare myself for wifely duty.”

Especially on days her husband calls to say, “I’ll be coming back late, I’m with the boys at a joint.”

According to Chioma, that statement doesn’t mean rest, it means endurance.

“When he drinks,” she said, “I suffer for it at night. It becomes a marathon, and nobody gives me a medal. Not even water.”

The salon erupted in knowing laughter, the kind that comes from shared experience, not jokes.

The hairdresser quickly joined in.
“The moment my husband comes home and I smell alcohol, I already know what awaits me,” she said. “If it’s a day I’m already tired from work, I’ll be angry but he will still have his way.”

She works morning till evening almost every day to support her family. Yes, her husband pays the major bills, but her contribution matters too even if the ratio is different.

“We both provide,” she said. “Just in different ways.”

Chioma nodded.

“If I had the kind of free time my husband has, I’d probably make more money too. Providing is important, yes, but it shouldn’t be over-rated as the only contribution that counts.”

Then she turned to me and asked, “Don’t you feel the same way?”
Of course, I felt her every single word.
One thing became very clear from that discussion: when men go out drinking alone or with the boys, it is often the women who bear the consequences. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. I’m talking from experience.

So, dear husbands, here’s a simple suggestion—one that can save lives, marriages, and mattresses: Why not involve your wife too even from a distance?

If you’re at your usual joint, call her and say, “My love, I’m out with the guys. Can I get you isiewu? Goat meat pepper soup? Or that chilled drink you like?”

Trust me, that small gesture can change everything.
She’ll feel remembered, considered, and respected and yes, she’ll be far more emotionally prepared when you get home.

Sometimes, give her money to make catfish pepper soup at home. Buy drinks and stock the fridge. Spend quality time with your family first. You’ll be surprised wifely duty is far more enjoyable when love, consideration, and pepper soup are involved.

At the end of the day, women sacrifice a lot, not because they are weak, but because love for husband and children pushes them to go the extra mile… and then keep going.

A few things that can help families navigate situations like this: Communication beats assumption. Talk honestly about expectations, especially around time, intimacy, and rest.

Share the load, not just the bills. Emotional and domestic labour count too.

Small gestures matter. Food, a call, or simple consideration can go a very long way.

Respect is attractive. A respected woman is happier, more relaxed, and more loving. Marriage is not a competition of who does more, it’s a partnership.

And sometimes, peace at home truly starts with pepper soup and a thoughtful phone call.

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