Ronke Kehinde/
Marriage is sustained by attention, kindness, thoughtfulness, hygiene, respect, emotional connection and love. Many couples are physically present in the same house, yet emotionally disconnected because they ignore the little things that keep affection alive.
Take the case of Tokunbo and David.
Tokunbo, a middle-aged woman, had spent the entire day preparing for their 15th wedding anniversary. She cooked her husband’s favourite meal, cleaned the house, pampered herself with scented oils and perfume, and prepared her mind to give her husband a memorable evening.
Earlier that morning, she had hinted to David that the night would be special.
When David arrived home, he was excited to see the beautiful dinner. Tokunbo lovingly asked him to freshen up before they settled down for the evening.
But David, exhausted from the day’s stress, said he was too tired and too hungry. He ate, stretched himself on the bed, and slept off almost immediately.
Tokunbo felt disappointed. The evening she had carefully planned was already falling apart.
Then sometime in the middle of the night, David suddenly became romantic. He reached out to touch her, but the unpleasant odour from his mouth instantly ruined the mood for Tokunbo. Frustrated and irritated, she quietly excused herself to the bathroom, wore a sanitary pad, returned to bed, and gently told him she was on her period. End of discussion.
Many men may laugh at this story, but the truth is that intimacy does not begin in the bedroom. It begins long before then , in the way couples speak to each other, care for themselves, and pay attention to each other’s emotional needs.
One major issue many couples ignore is hygiene. Some men leave home very early in the morning, spend the whole day at work or business places, return home late at night, eat dinner, and head straight to bed without taking a shower or brushing their teeth. Yet, they expect warmth and enthusiasm from their wives.
Cleanliness matters in marriage. A fresh body, neat appearance, pleasant breath, and good grooming are not luxuries; they are acts of consideration.
Attraction can easily disappear when hygiene is neglected. No matter how much love exists, poor personal care can create emotional and physical distance between couples.
Another important ingredient is kindness.
Many people underestimate the power of sweet words in marriage. Some husbands only speak when they want food, sex, or when they are angry. Yet women, like men, want to feel appreciated and valued.
Simple statements like: You look beautiful, I appreciate all you do, This food tastes amazing, You are a blessing to this family,
can soften the heart and create emotional closeness.
Words have power.
I once watched an episode of Judge Lynn Toler where a husband complained bitterly that his wife no longer wanted intimacy. According to him, she avoided kisses, hugs, and romantic moments. When the wife was asked to speak, her response was painful but honest.
She explained that during arguments, her husband constantly called her insulting names. Then shortly afterwards, he expected affection from her as though nothing had happened.
The truth is this: harsh words do not disappear immediately. A woman may smile on the outside, but deep inside, the wounds remain fresh.
Emotional bruises can quietly destroy intimacy.
Couples must learn emotional discipline.
Correct each other with respect. Disagree without insults. Anger should never become an excuse for verbal abuse.
Kindness should also extend to generosity.
A marriage should not become so dry that there are no pleasant surprises anymore. Once in a while, buy your wife something on your way home — not because she asked, but because you thought about her. It may be something simple: her favourite snack, a dress material, flowers, perfume, or even a handwritten note.
Celebrate her birthdays. Remember anniversaries. Take her out occasionally. Laugh together. Spend quality time together without phones or distractions.
These little gestures are like deposits into an emotional bank account. Over time, the love grows deeper, stronger, and sweeter. Wise men understand this principle.
Another thing couples must remember is timing and attentiveness.
A tired spouse may need rest before romance. Sometimes helping your wife in the kitchen, asking about her day, or giving her time to relax can create more connection than rushing into physical intimacy.
Men should also understand that women are often emotional responders. Many women connect emotionally before they connect physically. If she feels neglected, insulted, ignored, or unappreciated throughout the day, suddenly demanding affection at night may not work.
Likewise, wives should also make effort to appreciate and encourage their husbands. Marriage thrives when both people intentionally nurture it.
At the end of the day, marriage is like a garden. Whatever you water will grow.
If you sow carelessness, harshness, poor hygiene, neglect, and selfishness, the relationship will slowly dry up.
But if you sow kindness, cleanliness, patience, respect, generosity, communication, and affection, love will blossom beautifully.
The truth remains: what you consistently give your spouse is often what you receive in return.
When a wife feels loved, valued, respected, and emotionally safe, she naturally responds with warmth, honour, and support.
Happy marriages are not built by luck.
They are built by daily intentional actions.
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